President Obama was in Tampa last week to announce a $1.24-billion-dollar plan to build a high -speed train service from there to Orlando. I find it comforting to know that my government is on top of America's needs. Who knew that there was a need for a 100-mile-an-hour train from Tampa to Orlando? If you had asked me a month ago, for example, where I thought there was a need for a $1.24 billion-dollar high-speed train route, I would have said something like…oh, I don't know, maybe from Boston to New York…or maybe New York to D.C.. which of course shows you why I'm not running this country.

But, at the risk of sounding like a forty-firster, I have some questions. According to my Google map, it is only 91 miles from Tampa to Orlando and the trip takes 1 hour and 29 minutes by car. I have to wonder just how fast does the President think people in Tampa need to get to Disney World? It takes that long just to get across Tampa some days.

Maybe the President is concerned about Tampa residents that may have to daily commute to work in Orlando? Well, If the projected speed of that train is only 100 miles per hour, you had better be living in the Tampa train station and hope your job in Orlando is across the street from that station depot. I have a better idea..why not just give everyone in Tampa money to buy a house in Orlando? Thanks to Barney Frank, you can buy any house in Florida right now for about $89. I figure you can relocate the entire population of Tampa to Orlando for no more than sixty-five-grand. Throw in another three-grand for new shuffleboard courts and half the people won't even notice the difference.

But, the President's plan doesn't just stop in Orlando. Once finished with the critical Tampa-Orlando link, he plans to run another high-speed rail line from Orlando down to Miami. There is just one problem with that idea. People in Orlando don't go to Miami. Sean Penn goes to Miami. People from New York go to Miami. People from New Jersey go to Miami… together with people from Germany and Russia…Brazil, Ecuador, Chile, Bolivia and Japan. They all go to Miami. But, people from Orlando don't go to Miami and they won't in the future. And, why should they? They already had Disney World, Universal Studios, Sea World and the Motorcycle Hall of Fame. Now throw in all those new homebuyers from Tampa and a bunch of new shuffleboard courts and Orlando folks aren't going anywhere. Well, maybe to The Villages, but it has shuttle buses.

I realize that my idea for saving a billion or so dollars doesn't mean much to someone unused to dealing in such small numbers, Mr. President, but, if you're really looking for a transportation project that will resonate with the American public have you thought about a pick-up truck?