Warning: if you wake up to the radio as I do, you may want to check that you’re not tuned in to WROR:  they’ve gone over to the dark side.  This week-end they turned their morning broadcasts over to the elfs.  I became painfully aware of this Saturday when instead of the innocuous (and sometimes humorous) prattling of Loren and Wally, I got an earful of Alvin and the Chipmunks.  Take my word for it when I say nothing can exacerbate a hangover like an aural shot of Alvin and friends at six in the morning singing at about 182 RPMs.  (I never realized that their song goes on for about 3 and half hours!)  And if this wasn’t enough, that was quickly followed by everybody’s favorite  zillionaire cowboy, Gene Autrey chiming in with Santa Claus is Coming to Town.  Except Gene pronounces it San-TEE Clause!  This from a grown man. I wanted to scream at the radio, “it’s San-TAH Claus you fat cactus troubadour, San-TAH Claus”, but the knife in my brain wouldn’t let me.

So, where is the FCC when we need them?  Shouldn’t there be some sort of broadcast code that prevents playing Christmas music until at least Thanksgiving.  Even at that date isn’t the music getting a little tired?  Let’s be honest here… is there anyone left on this planet that is dying to hear The Little Drummer Boy every hour for the next 6 weeks?  It was new and fresh and kind of cool once…somewhere around the time of the third Crusade…but hasn’t it gotten a little moldy over the years?  And Mel, I loved you back in the sixties, but you’re gone now, and unfortunately didn’t take your chestnuts with you, so the schmaltz is showing through.

This may sound a little curmudgery, but I can’t help feeling that the merchandizing of Christmas has crossed the line.  I realize that Loew’s has to stock their shelves with something, but can’t we at least get through Halloween before the acres of red ribbon and cheesy little Thomas Kinkade houses fill the aisles?  Maybe it’s indicative of today’s zeitgeist (and I promise to never use that word again), but it seems we can’t wait until tomorrow; everyone is in a hurry to be the first.  Whether it’s Florida and New Hampshire slugging it out for the first primary or a neighbor being first on the block to put candles in the window, we seem to be a nation in a hurry.  Maybe my redneck cousin Fred has it right when he keeps his Christmas lights on his porch all year long; it saves a lot of time.

So, Loren and Wally, I guess I’ll be tuning elsewhere until after Christmas for my daily wake up call.  Unless, of course, you’re planning on playing Hear Comes Peter Cottontail  starting right after New Years.