I recently read that you were calling a few friends, mostly some fellow billionaires, and asking them to sign a pledge promising that they would donate at least half of their net worth to charitable causes. Following your initial success with peers such as Bill Gates, film mogul George Lucas and Paris's grandfather Barron Hilton, I understand that you are expanding your efforts to reach other potential donors. I think this is a wonderful (capital?) idea and thoroughly applaud your efforts in this venture. As I mentioned to your secretary, please consider me an enthusiastic volunteer to your program and in case you've been trying to call me, please keep trying…Verizon has promised to restore my service just as soon as my check clears.

I am well aware of the sacrifice I would be making in such a pledge and in awe of the sacrifice that must accompany such a decision by your friends. For example, I understand that Larry Ellison, founder and CEO of Oracle, was one of the first donors to sign up. By giving away half of his net worth, he will reduce his bank account to a mere 15 billion dollars. While he might not have to brown bag it, this could possibly handicap him in any future America's Cup competition.

Perhaps I should explain that, at the present, I'm not quite in the same financial league as Mr. Ellison or Mr. Gates or some of your other friends. (By the way, if this is the reason I haven't heard from you please disregard that earlier stuff about Verizon.) But, you should know (and I ask for your complete confidence here) that I have detected a distinct pattern to the PowerBall numbers and expect to be joining your club any week now. In the meantime, I'm enclosing $5 as a sign of good faith… the phone company can wait. And you needn't worry about sending me a receipt for this donation…my accountant carries numbers in his head for that sort of stuff…in fact, you should talk to him sometime…and while $5 may not seem like much to you, believe me I'm feeling Mr. Ellison's pain already.

Now I also read that all of your pledged donors are going to get together with you several times a year for lunch to discuss various strategies for the best use of donations. I very much look forward to joining you for these sessions as I have several ideas that I think will resonate with you. By the way, will the lunch be Dutch treat? Doesn't matter, just thought I'd ask. And have you planned where we'll eat yet? I am sure there are many fine restaurants in your town, but if there is one near the Omaha Greyhound station…well just a suggestion. In any case, I look forward to hearing from you soon and just in case the bank has been a little slow on that phone thing, you can always e-mail me at wryontherocks.com.

Your friend, John